The Process of Curation

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            Thursday

A blonde man with thin sunglasses — always wearing a scarf – pays us. We meet every Thursday before each Art Walk. He shows us what will be displayed which is pretty helpful, but mostly it’s just a formality. We walk around, he tells us casual information, thinking we’re paying attention but we’re just waiting for the money.  

We all have our methods, it’s just me and a couple other friends right now, but there have been more; I’m not even part of the original “crew.” Phillip has gotten quite good at talking people into buying the art. Half of it is pieces of information from our Thursday walk-throughs, the rest he makes up. But somehow, he gets people to buy. I want to say it’s as easy as talking to everyone that walks in but I know it’s practiced and strategic. Jenn flirts with everyone but she also has ulterior motives. She plays a longer con which usually means the art isn’t all that’s taken home that night.

My go-to move are tears. Sometimes I’m loud and unattractive, other times I act uninterested until I find “the one” and I whisper a tear. I’m not always successful, but I keep the most attention and that’s more of my motivation. I like acting, I like having any type of sway over other people. Thinking about it, my goal is never to interact with the guests and always to focus on the art. Hmm.

            Friday

It helps to practice and see how people react. So we make a habit of going out to other museums. Today we’re in Los Angeles so there are plenty to choose from.

We ended up at the Getty Museum, there’s a consistent stock of all the “greats,” historic items, and just a pretty large space to have fun without much risk of getting kicked out for making a scene. There’s a lot to explore so we can spend a full day there, preparing for tomorrow night.

It’s very rare for us to actually make our way through any museum together. It is our livelihood so we do have to take it seriously to some extent. It’s great to have a group together because we learn the works we’re attracted to and we can keep an eye out for each other.

I lost Jenn almost immediately. Phillip made sure I knew every part of his plan for the next few hours, he absolutely loves to talk. It was a nice day, nicer than I’ve had in a while. I started skipping through the gallery before I found a larger crowd around the main exhibition. It helps to show emotion opposite the art so it’s good to walk into a room like a beam of sunlight, though, I was just skipping ‘cause I enjoyed it, but it definitely helped.

I managed to snake my way into the middle of the crowd and lose myself among them. There’s a weird amount of attention that people have in museums. The art and sculpture can make people linger for a moment but there’s rarely anyone who keeps focus on any one piece for more than a second or two. It’s almost like they aren’t really there for the art. This can make it hard to start at a painting you’re trying to sell. Usually, it’s best to make your way across a wall and lead up to a piece where you can really hone in your prowess. But this is more of a tactic for Phillip or Jenn. I’ve learned to keep to myself and just kind of bump into other guests, or excuse myself in front of them. I make myself noticeable before I do any actual work.

Somehow, I managed not to get anything done before I ran into Jenn. Normally, we don’t acknowledge each other but she quickly found out it was a slow day and decided she was bored. Before I tried to interrupt, she decided for the group we would head home so we set off to find Philip. It was fine, it was a nice day, I had no problem spending it exploring another part of the city.

            Saturday

The trick is enough eyeliner so that it smudges but not so much that it becomes a major distraction; I did not learn that easily, not my proudest moment. We spend most of the day getting ready, we didn’t have much to do anyways. We also may have stayed out a little later than we expected at on- two or three – uhh – restaurants.

One by one, we walk into the gallery. It’s best not to be together. It’s not like people are worried about us taking advantage of them (to some extent), but we are working and we do take it seriously. Well, we’re not working so hard, but it is best not to be distracted.

It’s funny, you’d think I would have remembered at least some of the work from Thursday but none of it seemed familiar. I don’t know what it was. I could not focus on any of the guests and I was not focused on making my normal passes. The colors surrounded me, bursting off the walls. I got lost in the dim lights and floated through the gallery before stopping in a section, away from everyone.

“Oh, that one’s mine.”

And I snap back to the piece in front of me. For some reason I had not connected any artist to their actual work. I’m drowning in my own thoughts from an image no larger than my head.  

But I can’t cry. I can’t do anything. I don’t know which of my feelings are stirred by the paint on this particular canvas.

He kept talking but I only heard the words written in the lines of his work.

I felt romance I didn’t understand, one you engage purely for yourself

I saw tears streaming off a brush, movement I didn’t know existed.

I saw a work no one else could buy.

The Creative Process

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* Originally written 14 August 2014, slight amendment 18 April 2022*

I’m bummed about the world as it is today.  Not because of war or violence or whatever other reason people usually think of.  I’m bummed because of the creativity that isn’t quite there anymore.

There was a poster for Cantinflas up near my house and although I’m probably going to see the movie I’m disappointed.  It’s not that people are running out of ideas but that people are not really cementing their own personalities for others to admire.  People have become bland and unexciting.  Yes, there is work and art continually produced but there is no long-lasting connection with the person or artist.  You don’t see some thing that distinctly belongs to some one.  There is no saying if this is just a lull or a lapse of recovery but it does worry me to not see the kinds of progress that have been present in the past.

I suppose my mind won’t really ever be at ease because there is no guarantee of seeing how long things last or what will carry on and how long I recognize not all people lack the creativity I write about.  There is definitely a handful (probably a little more) that will leave their impressions on levels above most others.  But I guess that’s how it has always been.  The smallest percent of the most people are the few that truly endure time.  Because it doesn’t take only one lifetime to recognize what is great.  Not only that: the differences over time create more variance for comparisons and at a certain point it becomes unfair for those things yet to be. 

People say that there is progress but realistically it is not in us.  They say it is in the things we use: tools and the like.  Limits are what we create the most.  Things we can and cannot do.  Things we can and cannot say.  More rules and more guidelines are being set because people cannot conform to their own truths.  They cannot adjust to their own evolutions.  Fear and lies create instability and remove tranquility and ease.  There is no peace of mind or peace within the self. 

Most of all people seem to limit their options.  They set numbers and labels.  People often overlook the things I say.  I choose my words carefully (more often than not).  People attribute often one meaning to a phrase instead of understanding each word and its relation to the words around it to create the sentence and its relevance to the conversation.  But I don’t make it easy either.  I don’t usually explain myself or say something outright and people don’t know how my thoughts process or function.  My conversations take some getting used to.  And even then they’re tough.  People just don’t ask enough questions nor do they know which questions to ask. 

But I have faith.  There is still hope.  As much as I lack trust I offer the same amount in expecting people to prove me wrong.  I maintain a belief in people to exceed their own selves and continue growing and learning.  There is always time.  We’ll see what happens…maybe.

When people find an answer they stop asking questions.  Even before that: it’s tough; to try to carve a path on your own.  You start a new direction and it’s empty at first but as soon as people see open space they flock to it and crowd around so they can all fit better.  It’s easier just to quit and follow the herd.  That way you feel comfortable and well-adjusted.  It’s not that people don’t want to progress but everyone else is intrudingly overwhelming.  It’s fighting a wave in the ocean or driving into oncoming traffic.  People are relentless and a person is fragile.  Most scenarios don’t make it easy in any way.  Especially when so many people don’t deal with major issues on a regular basis they find it even more difficult in terms of how to respond to these kinds of problems without falling apart.  J.K. mentioned not being motivated or inspired and he has a point.  It’s getting so much harder just to find a reason to keep pushing back or to keep reaching further.  We’ve regressed to taking small steps because we don’t know which way to go.  The fear that comes from the unknown is containing us; keeping us from taking leaps and our faiths can’t outweigh those fears.

The standard is becoming less valuable because of so many people doing the same things and wanting similar outcomes.  But it’s not just that people aren’t trying they just kind of reach a limit and think there’s no passing it.  Living right now is at a place where it seems there can be no change.  But our progress doesn’t just rely on our environment.  It’s also on us: the individual, the community.

There’s no more depth.  The meaning is superficial and empty.  Everything is for the moment and for the self.  People are too concerned with themselves therefore they don’t branch out.  People don’t really look to others or the future nor are they really interested in giving themselves up to help others.  We don’t look for things that bring us together.  We don’t have the same ultimate goal.  On the individual level: no one really has any answers.  Nothing finite or certain.

I find myself in good company.  Both with others and by myself.  More often: the latter.  A little by choice but also because I allow myself to be harmlessly controlled by those around me.  A lot of the time I’m left alone and I think back on what happens and linger in mind and in body.  I watch.  I notice things as they happen.  I pay attention.  People don’t hold doors.  They don’t help reach the top shelf.  They don’t worry about the well-being of others.  And it’s not only that they don’t but that people can’t anymore.  Every incident allows for greater risks of unnecessary consequence.  People have started to retaliate and backlash at the help of others.  And if it is not a response out of anger it is an attack on the innocent and good-intentioned which only further defers the desire to aide where it is needed. 

There is no longer any trust.  People don’t make it easy to battle the currents.  It is wave after wave until you cave.  And despite any attempt at breaking away it’s as if people look for differences just to extinguish them before they grow into change.

But there are those that try.  And they fight back far past their limits: as much as physically as they can mentally and then more after that.  And it is in seeing those people that I regain my leverage and hope; that I keep writing and try to show those around me that there is worth and merit in our resistance…

18 April 2022

I stand by the words written before. I only write to amend the previous. It is not that there is no creativity. Rather, the most popular is that which is profitable. There is no monetary profit in art. People that create do so for themselves, on smaller scales, with a much smaller audience. I still believe there are limits that need surpassing. Though, those poignant creations – the works that endure the most – are not contained within one lifetime.

An Image of Space from the World

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[Originally written in August 2014. This was posted on a different site, where one of my friends allowed me to spread all of my rambles and thoughts relating to movies and general life-things. It was accompanied by Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata,” which was his doing; apparently, it fit perfectly. Current accompaniment: Pink Floyd’s “One of These Days.” I have not changed anything. Scratch; I actually changed a few sentences for grammar and clarity.]

“

There is no void. Emptiness does not exist. Even if it may seem as though there is nothing, something is always present.

Darkness.

Light appears often to create contrast and allow for alternate perspectives. But it does not eliminate what it covers. Shadows remain. Semblances of what was and of what will return.

It is inescapable. It inhabits and consumes. It is vast and unending. There is also depth within. Not only gloom and desolation but tranquility and seclusion. Most often seen as frightening and lifeless. But people’s limits are the blinding components. The visualization is only one aspect of understanding a feature or characteristic: an understanding often forgotten. Not only are the limits of the self that which impose on darkness it is also the influence from others that creates the connotations of darkness within one’s mind.

Strength within is something that continually — gradually — seems to decline. Not because people are weak but because of instances like doubt and confusion; because they are lost. There is no guide with which anyone will travel.

Death — as the only existing guide — promotes fear and has been labeled, as Darkness has, without a comforting factor. But Death is the contrast to Life. As Yin is to Yang: there is no balance without both. There is completion in both. Feer is rooted in uncertainty and the uncertainty comes from the events that occur after death.

What people won’t allow is for death to act as the completing factor. They only allow for perspective to be created during Life. But without a second half, a significant Other, there is no balanse, sense, or structure.

But the Darkness does consume heavier than the Light. It creates its own uncertainty among unstable ground, promoting what people often accept as hopelessness. But neither is there certainty in any person’s words who has yet to encounter personal darkness in death. This ground is not a simple path and possibly not one to which every person will be attentive.

“